I was coaching one of my inHERgy Coaching clients this morning and the term “self-care” kept coming up. We both love the idea of taking care of ourselves, but the term didn’t seem to cover the spectrum of what we envision outside of massages and date nights. The thought of taking time to be intentional about what foods we eat, getting some exercise, and sufficient rest seems like an intangible goal to many of my clients. After our call, it occurred to me that if we think of self-care as a deeper nurturing of ourselves, we would take it more seriously than the quarterly bubble bath or occasional visit to the salon.

As a nurturing parenting instructor, I know the value of nurturing kids for their positive development, but I don’t feel that we stress nurturing ourselves enough. Treating ourselves with respect and self-love takes on a whole new meaning when you are overwhelmed, frustrated, and too tired to think. It is in our moments of sleep deprivation and total annoyance with our kids that we wish we had more moments to ourselves. I know I just went through 5 days of diarrhea and sleepless nights with my toddler only to wake up to homework and housework that wasn’t done. There was no rest period for me. If it had not been for my set bedtime (one of the ways I nurture myself) and my good friend to remind me that I needed to call a babysitter, I would have locked my son in his room and sat on the back porch for hours just trying to catch a nap. It is hard to find time to nurture yourself, but it is absolutely vital. When my friend heard my tired, irritated voice on the phone, she immediately said, you need a day off. And that triggered me to think about calling a family member to babysit so that I could catch a few moments of peace. And I immediately felt guilty for needing time away from my baby. I love him and he brings me so much joy, but the woman in me needing to breathe so that I could be the patient, joyful mom in me.

When we are not willing to take the time to put a plan in place to nurture ourselves on a regular basis, our patience becomes shorter and shorter with our kids. We become bitter about having to cook and clean for them. Parents report spanking their children more often when they are tired or worn out. Don’t get to that place. Develop a plan to nurture yourself regularly instead of just waiting for self-care days.

Ways to be kind to yourself:
1. Use the dishwasher or a Swiffer on really busy days. Don’t stress about cleaning everything by hand.
2. Schedule your own quiet time. I do devotionals in the morning and a set bed time at night.
3. Talk with family members to secure their support in babysitting your little ones on set days so you can take time to pursue a dream or just get alone time.
4. When you make mistakes, examine why and forgive yourself, don’t fall into the mom-guilt trap.
5. Schedule relaxing outings with friends or your spouse in advance so you can’t just skip over them if you feel “busy”. Have these dates as reminders that you need time to laugh and be responsibility-free also.