Yes. And I totally get the side eye for it. Even people who complement my parenting style disapprove. I understand their logic. I’m the mommy, so I should “tell” my son what to do instead of “asking” him to please listen to me. Even when I reach over to help him, I say, “Can mommy please help?” Even as I grab his stubborn little hand when we cross the street, I say, “pleeeeease”. It is not my intention to beg my son for his cooperation; I just want to model to him the pattern of speech that I pray he adopts. I think sometimes we forget that we are raising little people and not little children. Our kids don’t stay kids long. Yes, it may be less challenging for me to yell and spank my son into submission, but that doesn’t teach him manners and sensitivity. Kids are big mimickers, so I think the best way to get them to use their manners is to model them.

Another way to help instill “please” and “thank you” in your child’s vocabulary is to smile when you say them out loud. I know I have a bad habit of just asking people to hand me things. Since having my son, I have become more aware that we Moms are the biggest tone setters in the family. If I cheerfully say “please” my baby gets the idea that please is a great word that feels good. Because he was born stubborn, he doesn’t always want to say it, but I can see that he is beginning to understand that it is expected of him. He always says “please” and “thank you” with strangers, even though at his age, he doesn’t fully understand the meanings. I don’t believe that we should force our young ones to grasp all of society’s rules by the age of 2. Most of the time, we are pushing them to be “good” kids because we want some sort of prize for our own self esteem. We push our kids to be better, different, and ahead of all the other kids developmentally, but none of that serves them. It makes us look like we are “great parents” but the child doesn’t understand any of it. Instead, I feel that we can take just a little time to focus on being their example and allowing them to learn in a safe space. I want my son to have a strong sense of self, and that includes knowing how to accept help, turn it down if he doesn’t need it, and even learning to say “thank you” because he means it instead of just being programmed to say it.

Am I the only mommy that remembers when her man was excited to cuddle up at night and when the wet spot in the bed wasn’t from a sippy cup? I am so tired of sharing my bed with my two year old. This all started when I found out about attachment parenting. I brought a co-sleeper bassinet to keep my little guy safe. Then, when he learned how to get out of that, I let him sleep in his play pen on the floor next to my bed. Right after he turned one year old, I made him sleep in his room. That lasted a few hours each night and I would wake up to ghastly screams and little hands poking out from under his bedroom door. He never got used to waking up alone, even when his granny brought a fancy night light. I have even placed a mattress on his floor and slept in his room, but in the middle of the night, he would climb out of bed and end up on my mattress.

I tried to sleep train him for a month and I finally gave up. Maybe it was mommy guilt, but I couldn’t stand him feeling disregarded each night and then having to be dropped off each morning at daycare. I didn’t want him to feel that mommy had rejected him or that mommy was suffering from a lack of empathy. But, now he is two years old and I am tired of rolling over to little feet in my face. We try our best to keep a routine, so I can almost always get him to go to sleep on time, but I can’t keep him in his own bed. I use tart cherry juice to naturally help his brain make tryptophan, which aides his body’s sleep cycle.

I do agree that I have night-time parenting duties, including keeping my baby dry and making him feel safe, but getting a good night’s sleep seems fleeting. Even after allowing him to cry and comforting him every now and then, I can’t keep this kid in his own bed all night. Any helpful comments that you mommies have would be awesome.

My friends often comment that my home is so neat and clean. They accuse me of spending hours cleaning everyday, but yall know I don’t have time for that. I’m in graduate school full time, I work a day job as Legislative Assistant to a busy Councilwoman, I run a consulting firm that serves the needs of non-profits, I coach at least 2 women at a time, and I have a bright toddler who requires lots of interaction and attention. So, in this post, I want to share some tips that I have used to clean up regularly without having to commit full days to cleaning. In this room by room guide, I hope that you find time-saving strategies that can lead you to a more pleasant home in half the time.

Entry Way
Rugs: I have a rug at each entrance to my home, even the garage door. It helps to remove some dust from shoes before entering the house.

Foyer
Keys: I never lose my keys, because I have a key rack hanging near my door. This also helps me keep my purse and my son’s baby bag away from counter tops and off of the floor.

Kitchen
Refrigerator: I use place mats inside the refrigerator on the shelves so that the shelves stay clean. When I wash dishes, I rub a hot wash cloth over the mats to keep them free from sticky residue.

Living Room
Ceiling Fans: To keep my fans from collecting dust, I regularly take an old t-shirt and place the blades between the shirt to wipe the fan blades while catching the dust. I shake the shirt out in the trash can and toss it into the washing machine.

Baby’s Room
Baby Clothes & Shoes: I take my baby’s clothes off and toss them into a laundry basket with 2 sides so that they are pre-sorted. His clean clothes go in separate cubbies in his closet so that he can’t open drawers to play with them. Since each cubbie allows me to sort clothes, socks, and shoes, I never really have to toss things around to look for his belongings. He never loses a shoe, because I place them in the cubbie when I take them off. This is a major time saver.

Bathroom
Hair Styling Supplies: I have clear boxes from the Dollar Store in my cabinets that contain my hair supplies. Based on what I am doing to my hair that day, I have a box that contains what I need. I pull it out, do my hair and put all the tools back in the same box then place it back under the cabinet.

Closet
Shelves: In my office closet, I store random items that I don’t use on a daily basis. Party supplies, old notebooks, and even picnic gear can be found in my closet. To keep it all separate, neat, and manageable, I have set up inexpensive, plastic storage shelves and placed clear boxes from the Dollar Store with home made labels on them. Now I don’t have to look through piles of junk to find things. My yoga mat and even old internet router now have a home, neatly out of sight.

Please share your time-saving cleaning tips in the comments section below. I would love to hear from you!

Happy Mothering!

-Tyra Banks

I was coaching one of my inHERgy Coaching clients this morning and the term “self-care” kept coming up. We both love the idea of taking care of ourselves, but the term didn’t seem to cover the spectrum of what we envision outside of massages and date nights. The thought of taking time to be intentional about what foods we eat, getting some exercise, and sufficient rest seems like an intangible goal to many of my clients. After our call, it occurred to me that if we think of self-care as a deeper nurturing of ourselves, we would take it more seriously than the quarterly bubble bath or occasional visit to the salon.

As a nurturing parenting instructor, I know the value of nurturing kids for their positive development, but I don’t feel that we stress nurturing ourselves enough. Treating ourselves with respect and self-love takes on a whole new meaning when you are overwhelmed, frustrated, and too tired to think. It is in our moments of sleep deprivation and total annoyance with our kids that we wish we had more moments to ourselves. I know I just went through 5 days of diarrhea and sleepless nights with my toddler only to wake up to homework and housework that wasn’t done. There was no rest period for me. If it had not been for my set bedtime (one of the ways I nurture myself) and my good friend to remind me that I needed to call a babysitter, I would have locked my son in his room and sat on the back porch for hours just trying to catch a nap. It is hard to find time to nurture yourself, but it is absolutely vital. When my friend heard my tired, irritated voice on the phone, she immediately said, you need a day off. And that triggered me to think about calling a family member to babysit so that I could catch a few moments of peace. And I immediately felt guilty for needing time away from my baby. I love him and he brings me so much joy, but the woman in me needing to breathe so that I could be the patient, joyful mom in me.

When we are not willing to take the time to put a plan in place to nurture ourselves on a regular basis, our patience becomes shorter and shorter with our kids. We become bitter about having to cook and clean for them. Parents report spanking their children more often when they are tired or worn out. Don’t get to that place. Develop a plan to nurture yourself regularly instead of just waiting for self-care days.

Ways to be kind to yourself:
1. Use the dishwasher or a Swiffer on really busy days. Don’t stress about cleaning everything by hand.
2. Schedule your own quiet time. I do devotionals in the morning and a set bed time at night.
3. Talk with family members to secure their support in babysitting your little ones on set days so you can take time to pursue a dream or just get alone time.
4. When you make mistakes, examine why and forgive yourself, don’t fall into the mom-guilt trap.
5. Schedule relaxing outings with friends or your spouse in advance so you can’t just skip over them if you feel “busy”. Have these dates as reminders that you need time to laugh and be responsibility-free also.